Stupid Jokes / Recent Jokes
A German, an Italian, and a goofy American were trying to get into the stadium at the Sydney Olympics, but the seats were all sold out. The enterprising German stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, picked up a cane fishing pole in a nearby alley, and marched right in stating boldly, "Heinrich Schneider, Germany, Pole Vault."
Noting the ease of entry, the Italian took off his outer garments, grabbed a large round stone, then just as boldly strode in the gate, announcing, "Pasquale Galento, Italy, Shot Put."
Not to be outdone, the American guy took off all but his BVD'S, went into a nearby hardward store were he purchased some barb-wire. As he approached the gate the American spoke out confidently, "Hans Dumbkopfski, USA,, Fencing."
The first day that a young boy went to work in the produce department at a local grocery store he was encountered by a customer with dark hair and wearing a suit. The customer told the boy that he wanted to buy a 1/2 head of lettuce. The young boy informed the customer that he would have to consult his supervisor in order to sell just a 1/2 head of lettuce. As the boy approached his supervisor he whispered “Hey, some ASSHOLE wants to buy a 1/2 head of lettuce. ” The boy then noticed that the customer was standing right behind him. The boy then said ” And this nice man would like to buy the other 1/2. ”
The Supervisor was so impressed the boy’s wit and quick thinking that he offered the boy a management position in Washington, St. The boy accepted the offer and stated that the only thing from Washington was whores and hockey players. The Supervisor said “Hey, my wife is from Washington. ” The young boy said “Oh yea, what team did she play for? ”
Driving with two wheels in the sand.
Dropped his second stage too soon.
Dumb as asphalt / dirt / a mud fence / a stump / a sack of hammers.
Dumber than a chicken / box of hair/rocks.
During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
Ears are redirected to /dev/null.
Easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing.
Echoes between the ears.
Eight pawns short of a gambit.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor / penthouse.
Elevator goes all the way to the top but the door doesn't open.
Elevator is on the ground floor and he's pushing the Down button.
End of season sale at the cerebral department. -- Gareth Blackstock
Enjoys listening to telemarketers.
Enough sawdust between the ears to bed an elephant.
Your momma is so stupid she stared at the orange juice carton for 20 minutes cuz it said concentrate! !!
Two stupid farmers had this mule that was a very hard worker. The only problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall, his ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go nuts and kick everything.
One day, the farmers decided to cut a opening in the top to prevent this from happening. While they were working, a neighbor stopped by and asked what they were doing, so they explained the problem.
The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit. The farmers thanked their neighbor and he drove off.
Then the one farmer said to the other, "Some stupid neighbor we have, it's not his feet that's too long, it's his ears!"
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says, ''I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in.''
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker.
''Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car,'' he laments, ''and she doesn't even know how to drive!''
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. ''Ah, it kills me everytime I think of it,'' he chuckles. ''My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a penis!''