Succeed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sayings That Should Be On Those Office Inspirational Posters:
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste more...

If at first you don’t succeed, give up. No use being a stupid fool.
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not your sport.
If at first you don’t succeed, transform your dataset.
If at first you don’t succeed, try something else.
If at first you don’t succeed, well…darn.
If at first you don’t succeed, you probably didn’t really care anyway.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn’t succeed either.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re doing about average.
If at first you don’t succeed, your successor will.

100, 000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real more...

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

O MY DEAR WIFE,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
5 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:
6 times you just laid there,
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in more...

Words of Wisdom!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. * Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. * For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. * He who hesitates is probably right. * Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. * No one is listening until you make a mistake. * Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. * The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. * The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. * The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. * To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. * To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. * Two wrongs are only the beginning. * You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. * The problem with the gene pool is that there is no more...

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.