Suddenly Jokes / Recent Jokes
(This story is old and is from a time when even in France certain rubber and
leather goods were not openly sold.)
An American couple is in Paris, a much awaited trip, when suddenly the wife
dies of a heart attack. The husband decides to have her buried there as the
visit to France was something they had longed for for many years. All
arrangements are made when he suddenly realizes that he doesn't have a black
hat for the funeral. The hotel concierge tells him that what he wants is a
"chapeau noir." So off he goes to find a store open late.
First he meets a gendarme and in his fractured French asks, "M'sieur, ou
pouvais-je acheter un capeau noir?" (1)
The policeman is a bit surprised but, after thinking a bit, gives our friend
directions. The store-if that is what it is-looks a little seedy and run
down, but the man behind the counter looks friendly so in goes our friend.
He speaks more...
The group shared their favorites. Windows that crack or melt into a
slag heap. The MacIntosh IBM DOS emulator that, when fired up,
begins to put up a zippy MacIntosh screen, stops halfway down the
screen to declare, "Oops? Sorry. You wanted 1950s technology." It
then goes into command line mode. The supposed unused ROM hook in
the Mac that would have caused a monkey to dance across the screen
ONCE upon the 7698th (or whatever) boot of the machine. Insects
crawling around the screen.
As you read this, project programmers in ski-masks are already coding
up:
ELUSIVE MENU: When the mouse cursor enters such menus, the menus
dodge away while insulting the user with appropriate language and
gestures. Somebody informed us this is just like the Mac Bomb
program.
CRASHING WINDOWS: You begin to move a window. Suddenly it
accelerates out of your control up toward the corner of the screen.
When it reaches the corner, it more...
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's final agony, as he started to slip away, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs.
Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs defying the pull of Morpheus. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing in the kitchen. Were it not for the immense pain caused by his extreme exertions, he would have thought himself already in heaven for there spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table - were hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, with tears in his eyes, he more...
221. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
222. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on here.
223. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well! " and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
224. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.
225. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
226. A blonde was walking more...
These three strings go into a bar and order a martini. One string
notices a horse with a sign that says, "Make me laugh, make me cry, win
$1000" on it. Meanwhile, a bell starts ringing in the clock tower overhead,
and suddenly there is a loud thud as a body falls to the street in
front of the bar. "I'm a Frayed Knot!" screams one enraged string at
the bartender, and then disappears. Kant leaves via the back door. The
other string stands in front of the horse and pulls down his pants. It
isn't clear at this point why the horse is wearing pants.
The Inspector walks in the front door and says to no one in particular,
"I can't remember his name, but his face rings a bell." Several dozen
customers instinctively stab their F keys. The remaining string gulps
down the rest of his martini and says, "And at these prices, you're not
likely to see many more!"
At the table in the back, the Doctor looks more...
When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven." Sorry, old man," Peter said, "But I can't let you in. You seethe big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin backin 1978 -- You took the Lord's name in vain during a golf game." "Oh, yes. I'll never forget that one, and I'm terribly sorryPeter, but I can explain...", the old golfer blithered. "Well," said Peter, "You'll have to take it up with The Big Guy." So Peter led the old golfer down a long golden hallway, to God'soffice. "We've got another code 6 here, sir! Says he can explain..." "So," booms God, "You've been taking my name in vain." "Only once, your Almighty, Sir. But I can explain!" "OK. Try me, " replied the Lord. "Well you see sir, I was playing my best game of golf ever, andI made it to the 18th hole, and I'd win the tournament if I couldjust make par on this hole. I made my shot from the tee, more...
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows' 95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go." Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?" Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I'll try Hell f irst." So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill more...