Suddenly Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Can you help me? asked Alice." No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative. She pointed the other way. "Yes," said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference." Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at more...
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?" "Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?" "Well miss, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks." Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she more...
As all of you are well aware, online computers are often used to engage in cybersex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are typed into the computer to be instantly transmitted over the Internet.
Sometimes these harmless fantasies become fairly raunchy. This is not the case with the following transcript of an actual on-line cybersex session.
Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humor known to mankind.
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I workout everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: more...
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!...Aim!!. .."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!. .. Aim!!..."
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready!. .. Aim!!. .."
. ..and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"
Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.
Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.
You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature more...
One wintry weather night while Mulla Nasruddin was sleeping he heard a noise that was suddenly made in the street. Having covered himself with his blanket, he came out to know the cause of the noise.
Suddenly a smart thief robbed him of his blanket and ran away.
He came back home without the blanket. In reply to his spouse who was asking about the reason for the noise, Mulla Nasruddin said, "All the dispute was about my blanket."
Theres a guy whos hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree. The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away. So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time hes brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldnt reach him. Eventually, the bears went away. Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble. Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.