Suit Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say “We hate Christmas, ” and “Go away Santa. ”
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the more...
Bill Gates died and went to Heaven.Saint Peter showed him to his house, a small cottage on a tiny plot in the woods. The closets were full of simple but servicable clothing, and the kitchen was stocked with the basic needs. Bill slowly settled into a modest and quiet life in heaven.One day, Bill was walking in one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit."That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?""Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake. I have a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, tennis courts and three Rolls Royces.""Were you the Pope, or a doctor who healed the sick?" asked Gates."No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off more...
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to
get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes
crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big,
red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding
signs that say, "We hate Christmas, and "Go away Santa.
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a
loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise more...
A young attorney who had taken over his father's practice rushed home totally elated.
"Dad, listen, you aren't going to believe this," he said to his father. "I've finally settled that old Whitmore suit."
"Settled it!!" bellowed his father. "You bumbling idiot! We've been living off of that money for over five years now!"
Joan, a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.
She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH... U.P... A.P... BBC... NBC... ETC...
About twelve midnight local time an old man in a red suit and a long white beard was arrested while trying to gain entrance into the white house. Due to all the recent incidents at the white house, security has been extra tight and despite the old mans protest that he was just trying to deliver some gifts, the secret service had him locked up by twelve ten pm.
When the president was contacted his only comment was it must have been Rush Limbaugh, since he knew everyone else in the country loved him.
The old mans transportation (a sleigh and eight animals) was taken to the FBI lab for a complete search.
When the whole incident was over, the president gave a sigh or relief and said MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL "is that okay Hill???"
Oh well a weak attempt at humor on a full stomach. Eat too much venison for Christmas Dinner. Hope you all have a real nice Christmas and a Happy New Year.