"Confusing Santa" joke

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to
get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes
crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big,
red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding
signs that say, "We hate Christmas, and "Go away Santa.
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a
loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the
chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the magician, clowns,
and pony rides arrive.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon
as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't
have missed that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with
a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy.: )Leave another plate
out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a
dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa.
11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed.
When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and
say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with lots of last-minute
changes and corrections.
13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with
barbed wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies out where Santa's sure to
see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's
got a red nose! Then fire a pop gun.
15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include
a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new
house.
16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa
to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from
a distance, he looked like a bear.
17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
18. Paint "hoof-printsall over your face and clothes. While he's
in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up,
act like you've been "trampled. Threaten to sue.
19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and
then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both
of us.