Summer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sing the song below to the tune of "Summer Lovin'" from the musical "Grease".
Bill: "Summer intern, had me a blast"
Monica: "White house intern, happened so fast"
Bill: "Met a girl, crazy for me"
Monica: "Met the prez, down on my knees"
Bill: "Summer days, sucking away, oh, i, but those summer nights"
Investigation Committee: "Well, ah.. well, ah.... well, ah. uh Tell us more, tell us more"
Linda Trip: "try to remember your best"
Investigation Committee: "Tell us more, tell us more"
Kenneth Star: "Did he come on your dress?"
Bill: "Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp"
Monica: "The prez is sexy - he makes my panties damp"
Bill: "She gave me head, right in the White House"
Monica: "I said OK, just don't come in my mouth:
Investigation Committee: "Well, ah.. well, more...

If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing "I thought you loved me!", and run from the room.Tell a middle-aged wife, "Your husband seems very happy with that girl in the closet..."Tell a middle aged man, "Your wife seems very happy with that boy in the closet..."Whisper to the guest on your right, "What kind of lame moron actually goes to these parties, anyway?"Bring Lego warships and fighter jets. Wage a war in the middle of the room. Urge other guests to get involved. If you are a historical expert, reenact the revolutionary war, the civil war, world war two, etc.Bring a soccer ball, basketball, football, or baseball. Start a game... in the kitchen.Karate chop everywhere and everything. Yell really, really loud. A few sudden kicks would be worthwhile as well.Wear wool or feathers and more...

CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that more...

What dance do you do when summer is over? Tango (tan go).

A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.
One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.
One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears-a male and a female.
The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer. All the while, he more...

There once was two men in a bar, the first man said to the second man: Hey! I noticed there was a bumper sticker on your car!
The second man looks suspicious and says: Yeah! What of it?
The first man says: Well, I collect bumper stickers and I didn't really get to read yours.
The second man: Okay! You're point is?
The first man: Can you tell me what it says?
The second man, looking even more suspicious than before clunches his fists tight, nocks down his beer bottle, stands up with his fist to the first man's face and says: Look! I know what you did last summer, how could you kill my father?
The first man then runs out of the bar, scared as freak, and when he is driving away, he catches a glimpse of the man's bumper sticker and it said: Look! I know what you did last summer, how could you kill my father?
He drives away in his car and pulls out a dead man's body with a knife in it and his name tag says, father of The Second Man!

A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears-a male and a female.The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer. All the while, he was plagued by visions more...