Summer Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. Hesurpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to himafter an encounter with a porcupine. After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, hereturned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed." Fifteen dollars, Ma'am," he answered." Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed. "That's what's wrong withyou Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?" "Raise porcupines, Ma'am."
A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit him. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and enjoying the natural setting.One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were walking through the woods, they were approached by two huge bears -- a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Mercedes and sped for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed a high-powered rifle and they raced back to the berry patch. Luckily, the bears were still there."He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing at the more...
Mandy was applying for a summer job.' How old are you?' asked the owner of the store.' I'm twelve years old, Sir,' answered Mandy.' And what do you expect to be when you grow up? '' Twenty one, Sir.'
Last summer a friend of ours vacationed at a popular resort where he met a young and charming girl. She prided herself on being a good sport and demonstrated this by enjoying just about everything with our friend-dining, dancing, swimming, tennis, horseback riding, motoring-just about everything, in short, except that special enjoyment he was really interested in.
"Oh, come on," he entreated, "you're always saying what a good sport you are- Why draw the line at this?" Appealing to her sense of good sportsmanship finally turned the trick, and the last evening of their vacation was the most enjoyable of all.
Back on the job, our friend had almost forgotten the incident when, just a week ago, the phone rang.
"Do you know who this is?" a sweet, feminine voice asked.
He didn't, of course. "The girl from the lake this summer," she said. "The good sport."
She said she had something important to tell him and wanted to more...
How are you going to do it?
One summer, Abe Cohen went swimming in the sea at Margate and almost drowned. Luckily, when he cried out for help, some swimmers came to his aid. As he was helped out of the water, he took a solemn oath:
"I swear I shall never to go into the water again until I learn how to swim!"
Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done". Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you." A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired." My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory. My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier. My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain. I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too. .. but at least I respect him. He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE. Some people climb more...