Susan Jokes / Recent Jokes

John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voiceon the ot other end says, "This is Susan. We met a partyabout 3 months ago." John: "Hmm... Susan? about 3 months ago?" Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you tookme home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. Youtold me I was a good sport." John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?" Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself." John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan Hoffman."
After dinner, George's dad took him aside and said, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan Hoffman is actually your half sister, so I'm afraid you can't marry her."
George was brokenhearted. After eight months he started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news: "Diane is your half sister too, George. I'm awfully sorry about this."
George was livid! He more...

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the Fathers noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?", he asked." Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." Sister Susan explained, matter-of-factly. A month or so later the Father noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?", he asked again." Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." She replied again. A few months later the Father noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carraige in the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carraige and said -"What a cute little fart!"

Late one Saturday evening, a woman was awakened by the ringing of her phone.

In a sleepy grumpy voice she said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theatre. Please don't be mad, okay?"

Since she doesn't have any daughters, the woman knew the person had mis-dialed. "I'm sorry dear," she replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan."

A pause.

"Gosh, Mom, "came the young woman's voice, "I didn't think you'd be this mad."

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the Fathers noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?", he asked.
"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." Sister Susan explained, matter-of-factly.
A month or so later the Father noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?", he asked again.
"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." She replied again.
A few months later the Father noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carraige in the convent.
He leaned over and looked in the carraige and said -
"What a cute little fart!"

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the Fathers noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?", he asked."Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." Sister Susan explained, matter-of-factly.A month or so later the Father noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?", he asked again."Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." She replied again.A few months later the Father noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carraige in the convent.He leaned over and looked in the carraige and said -"What a cute little fart!"

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don’t know. I just deliver packages.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom Buchanan.
Hi Tom.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I’m the guy delivering it.
Great.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Susan.
Susan who?
Susan Caldwell.
I’ll be right out, Susan.

Knock, knock
Who’s there.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable who?
I thought this was a redneck joke.
Nope. It’s a knock, knock joke.
Oops.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who
Don’t get so upset, more...