Susan Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?" he asked.
"No, Father. Just a little gas," Sister Susan explained.
A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?" he asked again.
"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas," she replied again.
A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don't know. I just deliver packages.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom Buchanan.
Hi Tom.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I'm the guy delivering it.
Great.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Susan.
Susan who?
Susan Caldwell.
I'll be right out, Susan.
Knock, knock
Who's there.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable who?
I thought this was a redneck joke.
Nope. It's a knock, knock joke.
Oops.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who
Don't get so upset, crybaby!
What?
Ha! Ha! I made you say "boo-hoo

A young English woman, Polly Martin, met and fell in love with a Yank during WWII. He was a reporter and battlefield artist attached to the military. His name was Wally Woodword and whenever there was any battlefield action Wally would make quick sketches on the front lines which he would later turn into proper drawings from which he wrote his reports.Now, Polly and her friend Susan worked for the Ministry of Defense as did many young English women and the department they worked in was one that allowed them to know a lot of interesting information - including the exact date of the Normandy Invasion.The day before the invasion Polly was telling Susan that she planned to spirit her reporter boyfriend away next day and take him on a picnic out in the country."But, you can't do that," Susan replied. "Why not?" Her friend asked."Polly, Wally doodles all D-Day!"

My classmate, Susan, and I are in the middle of our thesis rewrites for
Johns Hopkins University. We only have two weeks left and we are both
quite razzled at the prospect of doing more research in the remaining
time.
Today Susan called me to say that she desperately needed more history
about a small tribe of Native Americans that lives in the Grand Canyon
but there's only one telephone on the reservation and no one ever answers
it.
As a matter of fact, the three times she visited the tribe's Visitor
Center while she was on vacation, she said no one ever opened up the
building.
Being a computer geek, I said, "Have you checked the Internet?"
She said, "No, what a great idea! Thanks."
I did a quick check using Excite while she used Yahoo and she was
astounded at the information available about this little-known tribe.
She thanked me profusely for the tip and hung up.
Two hours later, she called me back more...

Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."

There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy, grumpy voice, I said, "Hello." The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?"

Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had misdialed. "I'm sorry, dear, "I replied, "but I have to tell you you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan. In fact, I don't have any daughter at all."

A pause.

"Gosh, Mom," came the young woman's quavering voice, "I didn't think you'd be this mad."

My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.Yours always and truly,
JohnP.S. Congratulations on winning the state lottery.