Susan Jokes / Recent Jokes
deer santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa
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Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa
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Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass more...
1. In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
2. In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
3. In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.
4. In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.
5. In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nicky or Smelly Susan.
6. In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.
7. In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that more...
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would
start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."
Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurancecompany. .. Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth. Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.
John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voiceon the ot other end says, "This is Susan. We met a partyabout 3 months ago."John: "Hmm... Susan? about 3 months ago?"Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you tookme home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. Youtold me I was a good sport."John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."
John receives a phone call.
"Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."
John: "hmmm... Susan? You say we met 3 months ago?"
Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party gave me a ride home. On the way home, we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."
John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are have you been?"
Susan: "Well, I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
John: "Say, you really ARE a good sport!"
John receives a phone call.
"Hello," he answers.
The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan.
We met at a party about 3 months ago."
John: "hmmm... Susan? You say we met 3 months ago?"
Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party gave me a ride home. On the way home, we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."
John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are have you been?"
Susan: "Well, I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
John: "Say, you really ARE a good sport!"