Susan Jokes / Recent Jokes

While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store.

On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise.

One evening as the manager was leaving I expressed my concern to him about our safety, being two women working alone at night.

"Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving of his hand. "If you see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke."

She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself. Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?" Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him. Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear." "Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?" Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand. "Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher. "Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert more...

John receives a phone call.

"Hello," he answers.
The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan.
We met at a party about 3 months ago."

John: "hmmm... Susan? You say we met 3 months ago?"

Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party gave me a ride home. On the way home, we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."

John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are have you been?"

Susan: "Well, I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."

John: "Say, you really ARE a good sport!"

Hospital officials were heavily criticized following Susan Boyle's visit for rushing into the emergency room and shouting "OH MY GOD! W.T.F. happened to your face?!?!"

One day a teacher decided to teach her 2nd grade class a new word today. She tells the class the word is definitly and that it, s meaning is no doubt, absolutely, and positive. She asks the class if anyone new a sentence with the word in it. She asks a girl called Susan who is at the back raising her hand.
Susan stands up and says the sky is definitly blue. Well Susie that is a good sentence but the sky is not always blue. Anyone else tom's hand flies up. Yes Tom the water is definitly clear that is also a good awnser but the water is not always clear sometimes it is muddy.
Anyone else. Finally little Robert slowly raises his hand, yes robert.'Can i ask a question'' yes Robert.' Do farts have lumps' no Robert'; why do you ask. Well then i've pooped my pants. [YUCK]