Susan Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young English woman, Polly Martin, met and fell in love with a Yank during WWII. He was a reporter and battlefield artist attached to the military. His name was Wally Woodword and whenever there was any battlefield action Wally would make quick sketches on the front lines which he would later turn into proper drawings from which he wrote his reports. Now, Polly and her friend Susan worked for the Ministry of Defense as did many young English women and the department they worked in was one that allowed them to know a lot of interesting information - including the exact date of the Normandy Invasion. The day before the invasion Polly was telling Susan that she planned to spirit her reporter boyfriend away next day and take him on a picnic out in the country." But, you can't do that," Susan replied. "Why not?" Her friend asked." Polly, Wally doodles all D-Day!"

Larrys barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurancecompany. .. Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesnt work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth. Susan, after a pause: Id like to cancel the policy on my husband.

IF DR SEUSS WROTE AN EPISODE OF ER - -Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great, But.. . there are problems that can't wait! Now Benton's fine, and Carter too, But Ross and Susan just won't do! Now who do you think that we should hire, Since both of them today I'll fire? Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see.. . Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree.. . Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt.. . But the paramedics just pulled up. Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got? Shep: This little boy has just been shot! His pulse is faint, his breath is weak. We did all we could to stop the leak. Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip.. . Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip? Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair, So I shoved her--lightly--down some stairs. Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three! Doug and Susan! Come with me! Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see? We've got some more; one, two, and three. Kerry: You've got three more? How can this be? more...

Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurancecompany...Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"
Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly more...

Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm
gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll
know what to do with.
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane,
son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
- Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
or your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my more...

Old farmer Michael was dying. The family was standing around his bed.
With a low voice he sad to his wife, "Susan, when I'm dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Joe."
"Oh no, I couldn't marry anyone after you!" Maude replies.
"But I want you to, Susan."
"But why?' Susan asks.
"Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade!"