Susan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions."Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going tohear of it when I get home!"She sat down, red-faced."Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin."The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan."Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!"

Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company. .. Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth. Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.

Susan commented to her husband, "Steve, the young couple that just moved in next door seem to be such a loving pair. Each morning, when he leaves for work, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening he brings her home a dozen roses."
"Why can't you do that?" Susan continued
"Gee, honey, I hardly know the girl!" replied Steve.

Susan had a problem with body ordor, so she went to see her doctor.
"Do you wash?" the doctor asked her.
"Of course," Susan replied. "Every single morning I begin at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then, I begin at my feet and wash up as far as possible."
"Well," the doctor told her, "I suggest you go home and wash possible."

John receives a phone call." Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago." John: "hmmm... Susan? You say we met 3 months ago?" Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party gave me a ride home. On the way home, we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport." John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are have you been?" Susan: "Well, I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself." John: "Say, you really ARE a good sport!"

A tornado hit a farmhouse just before dawn. It lifted the roof off, picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county. The wife began to cry.
"Don`t be scared, Susan," her husband said. "We are not hurt."
Susan continued to cry. "I`m not scared," she said between sobs. "I`m happy ˜cause this is the first time in 15 years we`ve been out together.

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

George was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June. Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news.

"Diane is your half sister too, George. I'm awfully sorry about this."

George was livid! He more...