Swamp Jokes / Recent Jokes

Young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Florida. She wanted to > > take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way... but was > > very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking for > > the highly prized shoes. > > > > After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of > > one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just > > go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a > > decent price!" > > > > The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, ya'll just > go and give it a try, why don'cha!" > > The blonde turned on her heel and headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch herself an alligator. Later in the day, as the shop- keeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky swamp water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator more...

A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed some "monosodium glue to mate".

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"
"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
"Same here. How do you catch them?"
"Well, I crawl under a car and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the s*** out of 'em, and eat'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the s*** out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."

Tom Finn, the noted biologist, was stumped. He had spent months studying the little green frogs in the Keefo swamp. Despite all efforts at predator control, population was declining at an alarming rate. Finn finally went to the chemistry department at his college to see if anyone there might be able to help. Tom looked into the problem and came up with a solution. The little frogs had succumbed to a chemical change in the swamp's water and simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce. Tom brewed up a new adhesive, made from a dash of this, a toss of that and, most critically, one part sodium. "You mean...?" said Jim. "Yes," said Tom. "They need a mono-sodium glue to mate!"

There's that man, who has a cock 50 cm long. And he can't get fucked, cause' no lady can take it that sky-high. Well, he's desperate and the only way out seems the Ookaburra witch. Well, the man decides to seek help from the witch. Entering the dark cottage, a voice speaks: "I know why You are here... 3 kilometers east from here there is a swamp. In the middle of the swamp on a stone sits the largest frog on earth. If You get him to answer "no" to one of Your questions, Your cock will get 10 cm shorter."
Well, in the swamp they meet and after a little thought he asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "No"
The man goes behind a small tree and checks it out - wow! 10 cm shorter!
Well, surely enough he goes again and asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "No!"
He goes behind the tree again and looks: only 30 cm long! 20 cm would be just right...
Again, he asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "How many more...