Swords Jokes

A huge fleet of the english army came to a hill, on the bottom of the hill, there was a forest of trees. Just before the king was about to go down into it he heard a voice from the forest it yelled,

" ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

The king was outraged and he sent two of his best knights down. After much clashing of swords there was blood curdling screams and all was silent.

Again the king heard
" ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

He was now so furious that he sent twenty of his knights down. There were screams of agony and pain...then all was quiet.

again they heard
" ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

The king was know seeing red and in his fury he sent the remaining of his fleet down to the forest. There were screams an clashing of swords and then all was quiet.

The king was dumbfounded!! But one of his more...

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!""Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smackit till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords."So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smackingtheir dicks together playing swords.Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions."We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums.The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becomingexhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, killme!!"

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever. Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!""Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smackit till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords." So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smackingtheir dicks together playing swords. Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions." We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums. The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becomingexhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, killme!!"

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

The captain of a ship hears his first mate calling from above deck, "captain, there is a pirate ship off the starboard side!" The captain takes the looking glass, sees the ship, and tells the first mate, "ready the cannons and swords, prepare the men for battle, and bring me my red shirt". "Aye, aye captain," says the first mate, and carrys out the orders.
The men fight bravely, and after a long battle, defeat the pirates. The first mate asks the captain, "Well done sir, but why did you need the red shirt?" to which the captain replied "if I was wounded, I didn't want the men to see the blood and become disheartened, and so, lose the battle".
The next day, the captain hears his first mate calling from above deck "captain, there are ten pirate ships off the starboard side!" The captain takes the looking glass, sees the ships, and tells the first mate, "ready the cannons and swords, prepare the men for battle, and more...