Table Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Can you help me? asked Alice."No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative. She pointed the other way. "Yes," said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference." Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her more...

There was a dispute in between the newly married couple. After the' chikchik' they had to decided not to talk to each other. They just started writing down there requirement on the paper and put on the dining table. The other will see and do watever is there in that paper. One day the husband came in night and wrote on the paper, " i have to attend the meeting in office early in the morning by 7 am. So wake up me at 5 am and dont miss it " the next morning when he woke up he seen the watch and found its 9 am. He became very angry and wished to scold his wife. Thinking so, he came towards the dining table, what he found, u know? A paper on which it was written "its 5 am now. U have to attend the meeting at 7 am in ur office. So get up and be ready" hahahahha

Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad more...

An scots man a french man a pakistani man and an english man are sitting in the pub talking when the scots man picks up the bottle of whiskey on the table and throws it out of the window saying "we have so many of them in scotland i dont want to see another one" at hearing this the french man grabs the red rose from the vase on the table and exclaims "we too have so many roses that i to do not want to see one" the english man then gets to his feet and grabs the pakistanian man and throws him out the window shouting "we have so many of them in england i dont want to see another one".

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser".
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can more...

Tired of boring old dog name like Ruff, Spot, Lassie, etc? The next time you get a dog, name it: Mypenis Why, you ask? Well just look at some of the great excuses you can use for school, work, and general conversation! -I did do my homework but Mypenis ate it! -Oh no, Mypenis is frothing at the mouth! -Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis. -I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash. -Mypenis doesn't come when I call it. -Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests. -If Mypenis begs at the dinner table, I just tell it to LAY DOWN! -I love giving Mypenis a bath, but Mypenis doesn't like cold water. -At night, I like to snuggle with Mypenis. -Mypenis likes it when people pet him. -Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds! -Playing with Mypenis really wears me out. -Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis? -Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active. -I think Mypenis has a mind of its own. -I keep a picture of more...

What is green and brown, has four legs and can kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you? A pool table?