Tailor Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What did the ostrich say to the rude tailor?
A: Don't ostracize me!
A very tall monster with several arms and legs, all of different lengths, went into a tailors shop. Id like to see a suit that will fit me, he told the tailor. So would I, sir, said the tailor. So would I.
A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made. When the tailor inquired about the color, the bride-to-be said "White". The tailor was a bit suprised by this, and said, "Excuse me, I don't mean to pry, but since white is the color traditionally worn by a virgin on her wedding night, I can't help wondering if you might still be a virgin? How could that be?" The woman replied, "I'm sorry to say, but that's the way it is. You see, my first husband was a psychologist. He just wanted to talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. He just wanted to look. My third husband was a stamp collector. God, I miss him..."
Two orthodox Jews went to Pincus the tailor for new suits. "Listen, Pincus, " one said, "the last suits
you made for us were sort of gray. We want black suits, the darkest black cloth that we can get."
"See this cloth?" Pincus said, fingering a bolt of fabric. "This is the stuff they make nuns' habits from.
There ain't no blacker cloth."
A few weeks later, the two men were walking down the street in their new suits when they passed
two nuns. Impulsively, one of the men went up to the nuns and matched his suit against their habits.
Becoming angry, he muttered something to his friend and they both walked off.
"What did that man want?" one nun asked the other.
"I don't know," she replied, "He looked at my garment, said something in Latin and left."
"What did he say?"
"He said,' Pincus Fucktus'.
A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?" The young man answered, "Yes, I did." To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service." Sign at fast-food place: "PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!" Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs." Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation." Sign from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years." Sign in an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers." Sign in a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter." Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest more...
The tailor
Yossi goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit. The first thing he notices is that the arms are too long.
"No problem," says the tailor. "Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. See, now it`s fine."
"But the collar is up around my ears!"
"It`s nothing. Just hunch your back up a little. . . no, a little more.. . . that`s it."
"But I`m stepping on my cuffs!" Yossi cries in desperation.
"Nu, bend your knees a little to take up the slack. There you go. Look in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly."
So, twisted like a pretzel, Yossi lurches out onto the street. Janine and Suzy see him go by.
"Oh, look," says Janine, "that poor man!"
"Yes," says Suzy, "but what a beautiful suit!"