Takin Jokes

I'm hungry:

"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."

I'm thirsty:

"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nuns nasty."
"I'm dry as a f**k with no foreplay."
"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards."
"I'm drier than an Arab's fart."

I need to go for a pee:

"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"Takin' the kids to the pool."
"I got to take a snakes more...

Two Aussie cattle drovers standing in an Outback bar.
One asked, "What are you up to, Mate?"
The other one replied, "Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie."
"Oh yeah. .. and what route are you takin'?"
"Ah, probably the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."