Hungry Jokes

A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad nymphet standing over him. She asks,' 'Would you like some food?'' The Scot hoarsely croaks,' 'Och, lassie, I havna' ittin a bite in a week noo and I am verra hungry!''

She disappears into the woods and quickly comes back with a heaping helping of haggis. When he has choked it down, she asks,' 'Would you like something to drink?''' 'Och, aye! That haggis has made me verra hungry and I wad verra much like a drink!'' She goes off into the woods again and returns with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey.

The Scotsman is beginning to think that he's in heaven when the unclad nymphet leans closer and says,' 'Would you like to play around?''' 'Och, lassie, don't tell me ye've got a golf course here too!''

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without more...

A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island.

As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad nymphet standing over him. She asks, "Would you like some food?"

The Scot hoarsely croaks, "Och, lassie, I havna' ittin a bite in a week noo and I am verra hungry!"

She disappears into the woods and quickly comes back with a heaping helping of haggis. When he has choked it down, she asks, "Would you like something to drink?"

"Och, aye! That haggis has made me verra hungry and I wad verra much like a drink!"

She goes off into the woods again and returns with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey. The Scotsman is beginning to think that he's in heaven when the unclad nymphet leans closer and says, "Would you like to play around?"

"Och, lassie, don't tell me ye've got a golf course here too!"

What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal? That hit the spots!

There were three guys hitchiking along the roads of a plain, boring field because their car overheated from the long drive. Exhausted, hungry, and thirsty from the long walk, they were desperately willing to stay over anywhere. Fortunately, they saw about a mile ahead of them a cow ranch, filled with hundreds of cows. They decided to stay there for the night. So they looked for the main office to ask the ranch owner if they could stay for the night. However, the ranch owner left for the day and no one was there. Too tired from their journey, they decided rather to sleep with the cows than walk forever. They each slept under a cow.
One guy said, "I'm hungry and thirsty, what will we eat and drink?"
Another guy suggested to drink the milk from the cow since they were lying beneath the milk sac. So they began to suck and drink.
The first guy said, "My cow's milk is so good, I finished it all and now I'm full."
The second guy said, "My cow's more...