"Shipwrecked Scotsman" joke
A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad nymphet standing over him. She asks,' 'Would you like some food?'' The Scot hoarsely croaks,' 'Och, lassie, I havna' ittin a bite in a week noo and I am verra hungry!''
She disappears into the woods and quickly comes back with a heaping helping of haggis. When he has choked it down, she asks,' 'Would you like something to drink?''' 'Och, aye! That haggis has made me verra hungry and I wad verra much like a drink!'' She goes off into the woods again and returns with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey.
The Scotsman is beginning to think that he's in heaven when the unclad nymphet leans closer and says,' 'Would you like to play around?''' 'Och, lassie, don't tell me ye've got a golf course here too!''
A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never more...
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...