Tales Jokes

"Mummy, mummy, why do fairy tales always start with 'Once upon a time'?"
"They don't always, little one... Your dad begins his with:
"'... I got caught up in the office. You wont beleive what happened...'!"

An Aussie, a Yank, and a Texan were telling tall tales.
"In Australia," the Aussie said, "we have sheep that are so big they take all day to be shorn."
"That's nothing," the Yank said. "Our cattle are so big the steaks have to be turned with a forklift."
"That's nothing. In Texas, we have women with pussies this big," the Texan said, stretching his hands as wide as they'd go.
"Then, how do you screw them?" asked the Yank.
"They stretch," replied the Texan.

Little girl: Daddy, do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...?"

Father: No, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with "If elected, I promise..."

Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't.

There's one thing the Democrats and Republicans share in common: Our money.

. .. Veni, Vedi, Clinti--I came, I saw, I lied.

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with' Once Upon A Time'?"

He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with' If elected I promise'."

A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each." Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress, "$5 each for lobster tails. .. is that correct?"

"Yes", she said, "It's our special just for today."

"Well", he said, "they must be little lobster tails."

"No," she replied, "It's the really big lobster."

Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails - and a little bit tough?"

"No", she said, "it's the really big red lobster."

"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he said, amazed. "They must be old lobster tails!"

"No, they're definitely today's."

"Today's big red lobster tails - $5 each?", he repeated, astounded.

"Yes", she more...