Tape Jokes / Recent Jokes

Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the Xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes into the drive. more...

Old man sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana at 0600 watching the sun rise
sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Catch some chickens."
Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is
dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy
walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy,
whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with more...

Proper Care of Floppies:

1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.

2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing diskettes, make sure application is even. This will allow the diskettes to spin faster, resulting in better access time.

3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit in the drive.' Big' diskettes may be folded and used in' little' disk drives.

4. Never insert a disk into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.

5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the Xerox machine. If your data is going to more...

A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting
Quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out
Their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground where he can measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer
Says to the other: "just like a mathematician! We needed to know the height, and he gave us the length!"

A group of Surds were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole.
So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
A passer-by comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the Surds and walks away.
After the person has gone, one Surd turns to another and laughs. "What a nut, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."

A guy is walking down the street with some chicken wire under his arm. His neighbor sees him and asks what he has.

The guy replies, "Its chicken wire and I'm going to catch some chickens."

His neighbor says, "You fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire." Later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 chickens. The next day he sees him walking down the street with some duct tape under his arm. Once again he asks what the guy is up to.

The guy says he has some duct tape and he is going to catch some ducks.

He replies, "You fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape." Sure enough later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 ducks behind him. The next day, he sees the guy walking with something else under his arm. He asks what it is.

The guy replies, "Its pussy willow." He says, "Hold on, let me get my hat."

Contrary to popular opinion it IS NOT good for fixing everything.

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show.

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, more...