Duct Jokes

Q: Why is duct tape like "The Force"? A: Because it has a Light side and a Dark side and it holds the Universe together.

Early one morning, a man noticed his son leaving the house with a bundle of chicken wire. "Where are you off to, son?" asked the father.
"I'm off to catch some chickens," the son answered.
"You can't catch chickens with chicken wire, son," the father said, chuckling.
"Yes I can," insisted the son, as he continued on his way. Sure enough, later in the day, the son returned home with some chickens.
The next morning, the son was leaving the house early again, this time with some duct tape.
"Where are you off to, son?" the father inquired.
"I'm off to catch some ducks," replied the son.
"Son, you can't catch ducks with duct tape," yelled the father.
"Yes I can," argued the son, as he took off down the road. Later in the day, much to the father's surprise, the son returned home carrying a couple of ducks under his arms.
The following morning, the father saw his son leaving more...

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are;
- You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the Duct Tape.
- Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
- Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
- If you woke up more...

You consider duct tape and tarp straps necessities for auto body repair.
You raise the confederate flag in the bed of your truck whenever you go for a drive.
You can't wait for the Saturday night square dance.

Duct tape is like' The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.