Rise Jokes

After taking a walk through my local mall I've noticed that certain people shouldn't be wearing certain things.
For instance, if your ass crack is bigger than the thong you are wearing you shouldn't be wearing low rise jeans to show it off. And if you can't even find your belly button don't even bother wearing a belly shirt.

Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.

Are you bewildered by the fluctuations in the stock market. If so, you are not alone. The answer is really simple. The market has nothing to do with the profitability of a firm. It has only to do with the expectations of investors as to what future profitability might be.
Take the meteoric rise and abrupt fall in Merck stock recently. As you probably know Merck is an old established chemical and drug company which has always been profitable. They are a leader in cardiac (Vasotec, Hydrodiuril) and arthritic (Decadron, Indocin) drugs. Their growth has been stabile but not spectacular. So why the sudden changes in their stock.
Well, it seems that Merck researchers have developed a breakthrough drug in the treatment of depression, especially effective in the depression common in adolescent women. This new drug, dihydromethylfluxotine or the brand name proposed, Ufouria, has been undergoing extensive double blind studies in the United States and Sweden and preliminary reports more...

100, 000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real more...

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.