Tavern Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man was pulled over by the Louisiana state police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man`s window. "What chew driving so fast for son? You going to a fahr?. Let me see your license, boy."
The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of his car was full of large knives.
The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?"
The young man replied, "Well sir, I`m a juggler."
The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don`t say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"
The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him more...

A taxidermist
is on vacation down south. He is feeling
a little thirsty and decides
to have a few drinks at the
nearest tavern. Upon entering the tavern,
the conversation
stops and all eyes turn to him.
Feeling a little uneasy,
he makes his way to the bar to
order a beer. The bartender serves him
and says, "Ya'll
ain't from 'round these parts, is ya?"
Guy: "No...I
am from Connecticut."
Bartender: "What is it you do up there in Connecticut?"
Guy: "Well, I am a taxidermist."
Bartender: "A taxidermist...Hey Al, you ever hear of a taxi-
dermist?"
Al: "No, never heard of it."
Bartender: "So Mr. Taxidermist, what is it you do exactly?"
Guy: "Well, I mount dead animals."
Bartender: "It's OK boys-he's one of us!".

A drunk walked into a tavern, sat down at the bar. He placed a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered a beer. When the beer came, he opened the box, pulled out a tiny piano and bench and set them on the bar, then ordered another beer. When the beer came, he reached into the box, pulled out a frog, sat him on the piano bench and said, "PLAY". The frog immediately began to play the piano. It played all the favorites, and some classical and then launched into contemporary jazz. The man ordered another beer, and when it came he reached into the cardboard box and pulled out a little white mouse. He set this mouse on top of the piano and said "SING". The frog began to play the piano and the mouse began to sing, first some' oldies but goodies', then all of the current favorites. A man at the bar who was watching all of this approached the drunk man and offered to buy this little outfit that he had. After a bit of negotiating, the drunk man agreed to sell it to the more...

A guy walks into a tavern. There's a horse tending the bar, and on the counter behind the horse is a goldfish bowl full of 5 dollar bills.
The guy asks the man next to him, "What the hell is going on?"
The man says, "We have a contest going. You put a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and if you make the horse laugh, you win all the money!"
The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, whispers something to the horse, and the horse cracks up. The guy takes all the money out of the bowl and leaves the bar.
A few months later, he walks into the tavern again. The horse is still tending bar, but now the goldfish bowl is filled with 10 dolalr bills.
The guy asks, "Well, what's the contest now?"
The same man answers, "You have to make the horse cry!"
The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 10 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and leads the horse out the back door.
A few minutes later, they walk more...

A koala enters a popular tavern in Melbourne and sits down at the bar. It isn`t long after he`s sipping on a martini when he`s approached by a prostitute. She sits down next to him and asks him if he`d like to have sex with her in the back room. Being a typical male, the koala complies and follows the slut to the back room. He wails away on her and then returns to the bar. He grabs his coat and heads for the door.
He doesn`t quite make it out before the hooker asks him where he is going and when he intended on paying her for the sex. She tells him to look up the word "prostitute" in the dictionary.
It read "prostitute-one who receives money for sex"
The koala then hands the dictionary to the prostitute and tells her to look up "koala."
It read "koala-a member of the marsupial family who eats bush and leaves."

A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder... thebartender looks up and says " where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies " Over in Africa, theres millions of them "! !!!

Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern. To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin'three whiskeys." Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy, it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It'scelebratin', you are." Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebratingme first blow job." Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar." Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself, here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebrationwith you." Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal, but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won'teither."