Tax Jokes / Recent Jokes

A funeral director in Houston has been arrested for sexual contact with a female corpse.Joan Rivers plans to have all charges dropped.

In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food. Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human's homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my poop, electric wiring, the rubber fish toy my human drags around for me to play with; rubber bands; Mom's toe; the HUGE fly; used Q-tips; the other cat's vomited food. 2. I will not jump on the [xxx]. kitchen counter, table, stove, barbecue, my human's full bladder at 5: 30 A. M., bed at night, TV, bed from the top of the wardrobe at night. 3. I will not sharpen my claws on the [xxx]. sofa, carpet, drapes, my human's leg, my human's boss's leg, the new speakers, wallpaper, window screen, car tires. 4. I will not pee/poop/barf a hairball on the [xxx]. floor, carpet, sofa, clean laundry, sleeping human, human's tax return, the tax auditor, TV, baby's mattress, kitchen more...

The income-tax inspectors are notorious around the world. This one was reported in the Financial Times, London.

This tax inspector went back to his office one night and found a burglar rifling his safe. After a fierce struggle the intruder managed to break away and run off.

The taxman telephoned the police, and half an hour later they rang back to tell him that they had caught the man and found $30 in his pockets. "I know," he said. "He had $45 on him when he broke in."

NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere.

In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh. The announcement also included a notice that beginning Jan 1, 1997, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court.

Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict. When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft has been more...

I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money

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Internal Revenue Service
**************************************************************
To: All Male Employees
From: I. R. S Service Center
RE: Notice of increase in tax payments
The only thing that the I. R. S. has not taxed yet is your penis. This is
due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20%
of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the
time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependants and they are
both nuts. Effective January 1, 1997 your penis will be taxed according
to size.
The categories are as follows:
10 - 12 inches Luxury Tax $30. 00
8 - 10 Pole Tax 25. 00
5 - 8 Privilege Tax 15. 00
4 - 5 Nuisance Tax 3. 00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.
NOTE: Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN more...

A certain tax attorney took on a very complex case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious client. He devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court.
His client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count. Flushed with victor, the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, “Justice has triumphed! ”
A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired back, “Appeal at once! ”