Teacher Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was the first day of grade school and the teacher asked the children what they had done over the summer.
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I went for a ride on the choo-choo."
"That's very nice," the teacher said, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say choo-choo, we say train."
The next child raised her hand and said, "I had to have an operation on my tummy this summer."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said the teacher, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say tummy, we say stomach."
The third child stood up, feeling quite smart and grown-up, and said, "This summer we got to go to DisneyWorld and I met Winnie the Shit!"

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. As she got to one little girl who was working very diligently, she asked what the little girl was drawing. The little girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused awkwardly and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the little girl replied, "They will in a minute."

Teacher: What Is A Desert? Reshma: Where Nothin Grows Teacher: Give An Example? Reshma: My Fathers Head

1950:
A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price. What is his profit?

1960 (traditional math):
A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price, or in other words $80. What is his profit?

1970 (new math):
A lumberjack exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100, and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M. The set C is a subset of set M, of cardinality 80. What is the cardinality of the set P of profits, if P is the difference set MC?

1980 (equal opportunity math):
A lumberjack sells a truckload of wood for $100. His or her cost of production is $80, and his or her profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

1990 (outcome based education):
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a lumberperson makes $20. What do you think of his way of more...

Teacher To Rohan: Does Anybody Know Where Saddam Hussain Is Hidden? Rohan: Yes Miss Teacher: Where? Rohan: In The Bush.

It was the first day of school, and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, was entering the fourth grade.
The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said,' Give me liberty or give me death?'"
She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.
"Now," said the teacher, "who said' Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?'"
Again, there was no response except from Toshiba. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."
As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee more...

Teacher: Raghu, If Your Mother Has Rs. 150 And Your Father Takes Rs. 50 From Her, What Will She Get?
Raghu: Ma'am, She Will Get Angry.