Team Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was the night before Christmas when Santa Claus' sleigh team
became one member short because of a sudden illness, and when an inflatable plastic reindeer was used to fill the void in the
team so no one would take notice the missing animal, Regis Chief of Elves, asked Santa, "Is that your vinyl Prancer?

DURING the selections for the school football team, the coach gave the players the option of selecting their own playing positions. The players made up their minds and the coach began to ask them about their playing positions. The conversation went as follows:
Coach:' Banerjee?'
Banerjee:' Centre forward, Sir.'
Coach:' Kumar?'
Kumar:' Right back, Sir.'
Coach:' What about you, Singh?'
Singh:' There is a slight problem.'
Coach:' What?'
Singh:' My friends are wicked, they want me to play Left out, Sir.'
Coach:' So, what's the problem?'
Singh:' How can I play Left out? Won't I have to play outside the field, Sir?'

Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an un-sportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents."
"Ahhh, that? s a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin?" the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.
"That? s not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents."
"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark.
"There? s more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team? s players in the in a sensitive area."
"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin? when you did these awful things?"
"Southern Methodist."
"Ah, more...

Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a defense company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So please don't trouble any of the other employees".
The cannibals promised.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?"
The cannibals all shake their heads no.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, "Which of you idiots ate the janitor?"
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Supervisors and Managers and no one noticed anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!"

Three surgeons at a conference were discussing their greatest operations during one of the breaks. First surgeon: "I once had an ambulance crew bring in a man's leg and my team and I built a new body around it and now that he's recovered fully he does the work of five guys." Second surgeon: "That's really good. My greatest test was a few skin fragments sent to us by the local nuclear plant after a major accident. My team and I work for three days and built an entire new person around those few bits and sent him back to work six months later. He's so good that he now runs the entire plant by himself!"Third surgeon: "Not bad, my friend. I was walking along outside the White House when Clinton went jogging by and farted. I captured that fart in a plastic bag and went to the hospital. My team and I built another ass hole around that fart, added a brain and he's so good he's putting this entire country out of work!"

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first."

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996)

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, more...

Peters was the university's star fullback. A few days before the big game, he injured his leg during a practice scrimmage and was told he would be unable to play in the game of the year. The college paper planned to announce the sad news with the headline, "Team Will Play Without Peters."
However, the Dean caught this bit of college humor before the paper went to press and ordered the editor to change it or be kicked off the paper. The editor complied, and Saturday morning the paper hit the campus with the headline, "Team Will Play With Peters Out."