Team Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Americans and Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering: the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American's team management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system more...
The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team's performance soars. They win the county and state championship until one day they are favored to win nationals easily. Penelope, a sixteen-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says,
"Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest."
"What!" the coach says in a panic, "How far down does it go?"
She replies, "Down to my balls. That's something else I want to talk to you about."
At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
Yo Mama is like a hockey team...changes her pads every three periods!
These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up more...
"COMPETITIVE SALARY" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM" We have no time to train you. "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" Some time each night and some time each weekend. "DUTIES WILL VARY" Anyone in the office can boss you around. "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" We have no quality control. "CAREER-MINDED" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). "APPLY IN PERSON" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. "SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" You'll need it to replace more...
Zek and Luke went to a trucking company to apply for a "Team" truck driving job. The personnel manager decided, after talking to them both that they weren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. He decides to interview them separately. He first interviews Zek. After 15 minutes he completes the interview. Zek barely passes. Next he interviews Luke. He begins by asking the usual transportation related questions. Luke also barely passes.
The personnel manager next interview them together. He presents them with this potential problem: Now Zek and Luke, lets say that you two are a driving team. One of you is driving the rig and the other is asleep in the back. You are going down this very steep hill with sixty thousand pounds of steel on the truck. All of a sudden your breaks go out and your speed is increasing. What would be the first thing you'd do?
About a minute passes and there was no answer. Then, all of a sudden Luke spoke up.
"I know, I more...