Telegram Jokes / Recent Jokes

A girl who was appearing in B. Ed, got married. The result of B. Ed, was declared when she was in her in-laws house. She had secured the first position and in her excitement she sent a telegram to her father.
SUCCESSFUL IN B. ED
Due to the efficiency of the telegraph department, the father got the telegram as: SUCCESSFUL IN BED

A woman in her 40s got married but was a bit nervous about her honeymoon.The people in the church wanted to encourage her by sending a telegram with a verse of Scripture: 1 John 4:18 ("There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear")But someone omitted, by mistake, the 1 before John and the telegram just read: John 4:18. ("The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.)"

An Irish Setter went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely informed the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"But, sir," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."

A woman in her 40s got married but was a bit nervous about her honeymoon.
The people in the church wanted to encourage her by sending a telegram with a verse of Scripture: 1 John 4: 18 ("There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear")
But someone omitted, by mistake, the 1 before John and the telegram just read: John 4: 18. ("The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.)"

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones` mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn`t you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath`s mother died. You`d better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time more...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the more...

Steinberg and Fleisher, partners in the garment industry had just suffered through their worst season ever. Ten thousand madras sports coats were hanging on the rack unsold, and bankruptcy was looming closer.

Out of the blue, in walked a buyer from Australia. "I say there," he began, "you boys wouldn't have any madras sports coats, would you? I've been looking for them everywhere."

Steinberg said there MIGHT be a few left, and soon a deal was made whereby the ten thousand jackets would be shipped to Australia at a handsome profit.

"There is one thing though," said the Australian buyer. "For an order this large, I'll have to get a confirmation from my home office. I don't anticipate any problem, and unless I send you a telegram by this Friday, the deal goes through as planned."

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday passed slowly, with the partners nervously waiting to see if the Australian would change his mind. more...