Telegram Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time more...
A blonde sends her sister to pick up a bull.
She picks up the bull but now has no way to get home.So she goes to the post office to send out a telegram.
cashier: can i help you
Sister: yes, um.. how many words can i send with this much money?
cashier: one word.
(she thinks & thinks & thinks until she finds the perfect word)
Sister:comfortable
Cashier: why comfortable??
Sister: my sisters a dumb blonde, she will read it slowly!!!
(come-for-the-bull!!)
A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to send his friend a collect telegram which read, "I am perfectly well."
A week later, the joker received a heavy parcel - collect - on which he had to pay considerable charges. Upon opening it, he found a big block of concrete which had this message, "This is the weight your telegram lifted from my mind."
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I more...
***************
TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B. Ed exams, which the father receives as:
"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
***************
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
***************
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnan! cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.
At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.
Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
***************
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a more...
Telegram received from ex-employee:"Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow."
A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."