Telegram Jokes / Recent Jokes
A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-laws death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies, "Dont take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."
It was the morning of Ralph's birthday and there was a knock on the door. "Telegram!"
Filled with excitement, Ralph opened the door and asked the messenger boy standing before him, "Is it a singing telegram?"
"No Sir. We don't do singing telegrams anymore," the messenger replied.
"Oh, but I've always wanted to receive a singing telegram," a disappointed Ralph moaned. "Couldn't you just bend the rules a little and make an old man happy?"
"I'm sorry, sir," replied the messenger.
"Please," Ralph pleaded, "after all, today is my birthday."
"Alright, sir, if you insist," the messenger said. "Dah-dah dah... dah-dah-dah, your sister Rose is dead!"
Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so more...
Two sisters, one a brunette and the other a blonde, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a couple of years, they find themselves in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull which will enable them to breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $500 to a ranch out west where a man has a prize bull for sale.
As she's leaving for the other ranch, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, checks the bull out, and decides that she does want to buy it. The man tells her that she can buy it for $499, no less. She pays him and then drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She enters the telegraph office, and says, "I'd like to send my sister a telegram telling her that I've bought a bull more...
A Tongan man hired a Samoan man to work at his cattle farm in Tonga. He needed a bull, so he sent the Samoan man to Samoa to buy a bull. Before he left the Tongan man gave the Samoan man $600 to buy the best bull that he can find. He bought a bull that cost him $599 which includes the shipping and handling costs to send it to Tonga. He went to wire a telegram to his boss in Tonga and realized he only had one dollar left. He asked the clerk how much to send a telegram. The clerk said that it costs a dollar per word. He told the clerk to write down "Comfortable". Get it?! "Come for the bull."