Telephone Jokes / Recent Jokes

It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signalled
without disturbing each other.
Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barke loudly, followed by a ringing telephone.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar.
2. The dog was receiving more...

At three oclock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. "Im sorry if I woke you," said a voice at the other end of the line. "Thats all right," said the vet, "I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

An traveler decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10, 000 per call".
The traveler, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10, 000 you could talk to God.
The traveler thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10, 000 he could talk to God. "O. K., thank you," said the traveler.
He then traveled to Pakistan, Srilanka, Russia, more...

Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.After several days, Bill again contacted the phone company and told that there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine...except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call.A repairman arrived within the hour!

A while back, over in Great Britain, a woman complained to the telephone company about her phone. Sometimes, it would not ring when someone called.
The strange part, she said, was that when it did ring, the ring was invariably preceded by her dog barking. So she was convinced she had a broken telephone and a psychic dog.
Now, in Britain, the ring signal is a high-voltage low-ampere current sent from the local office to the phone. The wire which carries this signal is run from the pole to a large metal spike in the yard, which grounds the circuit.
In order to isolate the problem, the phone company sent a repairman out to climb the pole and manually send the signal down the wire. Sure enough, when he did this, nothing happened the first time. The second time, the dog barked just before the phone rang.
Investigation revealed that the dog was chained (with an iron chain) to the spike that grounded the circuit. So this is what was happening: the ground was dry, preventing more...

The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.

The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call. The woman on the other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?"
"$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response.
"Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"OK, write this:' Cohen died.'"
"I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum."
"Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that." A moment of silence. "Got your pencil and paper?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"OK, print this:' Cohen died, Cadillac for sale.'"