Pedestrian Jokes

Authentic Claims from a Car Insurance agency...
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"A car drove away at speed catching our client who went up in the air and his head went through the windscreen and then rolled off at the traffic lights a good few feet away. The car then sped off and miraculously our client remained conscious and more...

1. Before changing lanes you should:
A. signal.
(B) check for traffic.
(C) both a & b.
(D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.
2. The top light on a traffic signal is:
A. red.
(B) yellow.
(C) green.
(D) Who cares, it doesn't apply to me anyway.
3. The speed limit in a residential area is:
A. 35 MPH.
(B) 25 MPH.
(C) 45 MPH.
(D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I'll drive as fast as I want.
4. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should:
A. slow to a walking pace.
(B) go around the block.
(C) stop.
(D) speed up and honk your horn.
5. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you
should:
A. maintain your speed.
(B) slow a little.
(C) slow a lot.
(D) speed up and don't bother honking your horn.
6. Your may make a left turn from the right lane:
A. never.
(B) when there is a left turn arrow.
(C) on Sunday at 2 more...

Policeman: "Did you get the license number of the car that knocked you down?"
Pedestrian: "No, but I know who it was. My mother-in-law!"
Policeman: "How can you be so certain?"
Pedestrian: "I`d recognize that laugh anywhere!"

When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
Always look both ways when running a red light.
Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.
Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell obscenities loudly and chase him back upon the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.

1) When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
2) Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
3) The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
4) Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
5) Always look both ways when running a red light.
6) Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.
7) Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
8) Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed
up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.