Temper Jokes

Your temper is the only thing you can lose and still have.

A few minutes after a crowded airliner takes off, a five-year-old boy begins to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother tries to do to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly priest slowly walks forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the priest leans down and whispers something into the young boy's ear.
Without hesitation, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the priest begins to make his way back to his seat, one of the flight attendants touches his sleeve. "Pardon me, Father," she says quietly, "but may I ask what magic words you used on that little boy?"
Smiling serenely, the priest gently says, "I told him that if he didn't knock it off, I'd kick his butt to the more...

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I just did, you stupid bastard!

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!

Sweet Cravings: Not only does it clean out the Cookies folder, but it orders pints of Ben and Jerry's from Kozmo.com when you're not there.
Morning Sickness: Hard drive makes retching sounds every a.m. and then crashes.
Temper, Temper: Error messages change from warnings such as "Unexpected Application Error" to "What the Hell Do You Think You're Doing?"
Party Time: Windows Registry throws a baby shower.
May I Help You?: Perky, animated paper clip changes to a perky, animated diaper pin.
Pastel PC: Desktop is redecorated in blue and pink tones.
Growing Pains: Unidentified file in Config folder keeps getting bigger every day.
Time's Up: Biological clock in lower right-hand corner finally stops ticking.
Child-Bearing Hips: Windows PC starts to look suspiciously like an oh-so-rounded iMac.
New Operating System: OS/Gyn.
(From CNET - 31 Aug 2000)