Tent Jokes / Recent Jokes

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. “Well, sir, ” is the nervous reply, “as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have … m-m-m…. urges. That’s why we have the camel, sir. ” The Captain says, “I can’t say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay. ”
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, “Is that how the men do it? ” “Uh, no sir, ” the First Sergeant replies. “They usually just ride the camel into town where the more...

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other.
At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!"
Bill woke up and asked, "What's going on?"
Bob said, "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife."
"How come?"
"To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!"
After a pause, Bill said, "Do you want me to come with you?"
"Hell, no. Why would I want you to do that?"
"Because that's my dick you're holding."

The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field.
As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up
into the sky and tell me what you see."
The CO said "I see millions of stars."
1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"
CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells
me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"
1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the more...

An old woman took it upon herself to travel to Nepal to meet with this famous guru. Her friends tried
to dissuade her, saying that the trip was long and arduous, and with her varicose veins it could mean
real trouble. They could not talk her out of it, however.
So, she made her preparations and set out. It began with a 36-hour flight on Air India with four
stopovers, followed by 2 hours on a rickety propeller plane from WWI. Then a ride on a cog railway.
Then a 2-day trek in a camel caravan over icy mountain paths. She was half dead when she reached the
guru's village.
There she learned that it would be perhaps ten days before she could have an audience with the guru
because so many seekers had come to see him. She was also told that when she entered the guru's tent,
she would only be allowed to speak five words, since the guru was so busy. So, she rested and
prepared, all the while trying to choose her five words more...

John was hard at work with the broom in his family's tent. His mother came in and said,' That's nice. Are you sweeping out the tent?'' No,' John answered.' I'm sweeping out the dirt.'

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:
THE TENT POLE IS UP,
THE CANVAS IS SPREAD,
THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST,
COME BACK TO BED.
The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read:
TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN
PUT THE CANVAS AWAY
THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE
NO CIRCUS TODAY.
So he sent another note down. It read:
THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP
AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD
SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING
AND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD
To which she replied:
I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S
THE BEST IN THE LAND
BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW
SO DO IT BY HAND!