Term Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some key definitions to help decode Clinton`s speeches. More will be added as the President`s meaning becomes clear. Remember, do not attach meaning to words, it`s symbolism that is important.

All - Clinton`s constituency. as: We ALL must make sacrifices to restore America`s economic health.

Ask - Clintoneze for legislate. i. e. asking: legislating.

Campaign promise - actually, this is a misspelling. It really is champagne promise.

Change - (verb) redefinition of the term "tax cut" to its true meaning, "contribution". (noun) That portion of your income that will now be heading to Washington, As: The change we are asking for is necessary if we are to restore America`s (and, uh, Washington`s) economy to number one in the world.

Contribution - that portion of your "excess" income that Washington believes it can make better use of than you. This `90s term is designed to make you feel good while Uncle Sam more...

Any students out there? Here is some advice for writing your term papers :)
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. Check your e-mail; reply to everyone who sent you more...

1 You have ever said "Netter is god".
2 You can discuss autopsy/ anatomy over a meal
3 You own a 4 color pen
4 -it just isn`t enough colors for you
5 You use more than one color to take notes
6 You have use up more than 6 highlighters in the past 6 months
7 you have ever highlighted something YOU wrote
8 you retype handouts given in class
9 you haven`t had a date in 3 months
10 you haven`t had a date since entering med school
11 you have not been able to remember the normal term for
something because you were thinking of the medical term (ie
reflux for heartburn)
12 You get more sleep in lecture than at home
13 You know the correct spelling for pruritus
14 - you also know what it means
15 You have ever asked a question in class
16 - The prof. didn`t understand the question
17 - you didn`t believe the answer the prof. gave
18 - you went to look it up to see if they were more...

Ever wonder where the word "shit" comes from. Well here it is:

Certain types of manure used to be transported (as everything was back then) by ship. In dry form it weighs a lot less, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could(and did) happen, methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern. BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was discovered what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure where always stamped with the term "S. H. I. T" on them which meant to the sailors to "Ship High In Transit." In other words, high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Bet you didn't more...