Terrible Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father: I want to take my girl our of this terrible math class. Teacher: But she's top of the class. Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class.

There once was a 60 year old woman who suddenly developed a terrible itch in her private area. Not knowing what was wrong she went to her docter.
"doctor" she said "help i have a terrible itch in my private area, im a virgin and i cant figure out what is wrong with me."
The doctor told the woman she most likely had crabs.
"how can this be?" the woman said "i am a virgin, i have never been with a man."
she left and went to another doctor for a second opinion. this time she went to a very old and very wise doctor.
"doctor" she said "help i have a terrible itch in my private area, im a virgin and i cant figure out what is wrong with me."
again the doctor told her she may have crabs
"how can this be?" the woman said "i am a virgin, i have never been with a man."
the old wise doctor took a look and looking up at the old woman said "well i hate to tell you this but it looks more...

A young couple got married & went on a cruise for their honeymoon. When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. "Well, darling," said her mom, "how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time! But, mother, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language... Stuff I'd never heard before... Really terrible 4-letter words... You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MOTHER!"
And the new bride began to sob over the telephone.
But honey," the mother countered, "WHAT 4-letter words?"
"I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter, "they're too awful! COME GET ME, P L E A S E! !!"
"Darling daughter, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell mother the 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, more...

A golfer was having such a terrible day one day that he couldn't help but take it out on his caddy. "You're terrible!" he screamed. "When we get back to the clubhouse, I'm going to see that you get fired!"
"That's okay by me," the caddy replied calmly. "By the time we get back to the clubhouse, I'll be old enough to get a regular job!"

There was an old man named Bill and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. His wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game. But one day he came home from their weekly game looking unhappy and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable." Bill said, "Well, something terrible did happen. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole." "My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him, "that must've been terrible!" "It was," he said, "all day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball and then hit it again..."

This guy was sitting in his attorney's office.
His lawyer said, "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but They only say "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?'" "That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed, "Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship." So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in and they say, "Hi, we are Prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?" One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says, "PUT THE BIBLES AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!"