Test Jokes / Recent Jokes
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"(why... a duh!)On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.(ah-ha! So that's what happened to my little sister!)On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.(oh sure... now they tell me!)On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.(aye matey... but the sharks love' em!)On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake. On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker. On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.(well that's just great... now what do I use!)On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2- shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4. 97.(now you know WHY there was a Y2K bug!)On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms. On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.(he-he... I gotta try this one!)On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause more...
A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology.
After one week, a test was held.
The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares. In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird’s legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.
The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs.
The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute.
Finally, he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test paper on the teacher’s desk.
“This is the worst test I have ever given. ”
The teacher looked up and said, “Young man, you have flunked the test. What’s your name? “
The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said, “You tell me”.
Reacting to Federal guidelines, the State of FLORIDA, which has been highlighted as a role model for student testing by the Bush Administration's Dept. of Education, has redesigned and just released a new comprehensive test to be given to all students beginning in the spring of the 2004-2005 school year.
In response to President Bush's Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass it to be promoted to the next grade level.
In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, it will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test or (FART).
All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in grades 3, 4, and 5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80%. If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate English program, the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language (SMELL).
If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the more...
Driving Test Answers
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being more...
Are You About to Employ a Robot? This test was written by ME, Roger Carasso, for the UCB PsychologyDepartment. It is intended to be used by companies that arerecruiting on campus. With this test you can determine whether anapplicant you are interviewing is a Robot, a Vulcan/Math MAjor, or aLiberal Arts major. Tear off here, and administer test below to students ---------------------------------- Answer Questions by circling the appropriate subjective choice. 1. If stranded on a deserted island, I would want _____ 0) Shakespeare 1) Math books 2) Fluid oil2. If I could have any job, I would be a _____ 0) writer 1) professor 2) McDonald's employee3. On weekends, I go to _____ 0) The beach 1) The library 2) goto 104. My favorite hobby is _____ 0) Poetry 1) Open math problems 2) memorizing5. I have taken ______ English classes. 0) Many 1) Enough to communicate 2) fori=1to++x10goto106. What is the quickest way to solve 2X+4=2? 0) Ask a Vulcan 1) In my head 2) Brute force with Cray 2 more...
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he arrived at classroom, he saw ten rods with platforms with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the angrier he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?!" With that, the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was more...
Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger."
When he heard this, the other child started to cry.
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm here for a urine test."