Testifying Jokes

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:
The lawyer, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness, "Yes, sir."
The lawyer, "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness, "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he`d trap the witness), "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness, "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife. "Pleasedescribe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertainsuspicions as to your wifes fidelity.""Well, Im pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturallywhen I am home, Im attentive to the wife." "One Sunday morning," he continued,"we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in theapartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, Cant you at least stop allthat racket on the weekends?

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?" The witness: "Yes, sir." The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?" The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches." The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?" The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:
The lawyer, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness, "Yes, sir."
The lawyer, "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness, "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness), "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness, "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."