Thank Jokes / Recent Jokes

Teacher: Oxygen is must for breathing. It was discovered in 1773.
Sardar: Thank God I was born after that. Pehla Paida hota toh mar hi jata.

Imagine praying and hearing this:

"Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following four options:
* Press 1 for requests.
* Press 2 for thanksgiving.
* Press 3 for complaints.
* For all other inquiries, Press 4."

What if God used the familiar excuse: "All of the angels are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line. Your call will be answered in the order it was received."
Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call on God in prayer?
* "If you'd like to speak with Gabriel, press 1."
* "For Michael, press 2."
* "For any other angel, press 3."
* "If you want King David to sing you a psalm, press 6."

"For reservations at My Father's House, simply press the letters J-O-H-N on the keypad, followed by the number 3-1-6."
"For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the more...

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles."My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."

There is this good ol' barber in some city in US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies, "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a community service."
The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" card and a dozen roses waiting at his doorstep. A cop goes for a haircut next and when he goes to pay the barber, the latter replies, "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a community service."
The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" card and a dozen donuts waiting at his doorstep. An Indian software engineer goes for a haircut after that and while paying, the barber tells him, "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a community service."
The next morning, when more...

Tooth Fairy's Form Letter
Dear:
Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.
While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:
( ) the tooth could not be found ( ) it was not a human tooth ( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny ( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor ( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash ( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you ( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails ( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action ( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy ( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received ( ) the tooth is still in your mouth ( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit ( ) no nightlight was more...

A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says, "An English girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you."
"And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked?
"The one I asked for- the English girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said, "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl !!!"

An esteemed professor of Mumbai University who had stayed with a family and wanted to thank his hostess for her hospitality said: Thank you very much for all your hostility.'
The same professor, giving a farewell talk to a batch of students going abroad, advised them:' Do in Rome as Romeos do.'
From Mumbai again comes this malapropism. A gentleman wiping the perspiration off his brow remarked:' In Mumbai it is prostitution and more prostitution'.