Thank Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life."Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind.""Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly..."My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.
He thought to himself, "Life isn''t so bad after all," and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.
"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."
"Dancing? I''m not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly...
"My asshole itches, and I can''t scratch it!"

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. .. it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms more...

In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the most carefully advanced of foreign trips. Along with her husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush was lunching with Emperor Hirohito at Tokyo's Imperial Palace.Sitting next to the Emperor, Mrs. Bush found the conversation an uphill task. To all her efforts at verbal engagement, the Emperor would smile and say "Yes" or "No," with an occasional "Thank You" tossed in for good measure.Looking around her elegant surroundings, she complimented Hirohito on his official residence."Thank you," he said."Is it new?" pressed Mrs. Bush."Yes.""Was the old palace just so old that it was falling down?" asked Mrs. Bush.In his most charming, yet regal, matter, Hirohito replied, "No, I'm afraid that you bombed it."

After many unhappy replies from our current
vending service we decided that what they
really needed was a different form letter
that was more closely tied to their true
feeling:
BFD Vending Service
Thank you for your inquiry/comments/complaints
about our vending serve
-We are aware that your machine as not been stocked in 50 days.
-We are waiting for the weekend.
-We are out of items that have expired.
-We're busy, don't bother us about this.
-We don't care.
-We are aware that the price for you
seems high at $10,000.000, but we have to make a living.
-We use an algorithm 50% retail for people your age.
-We charge others more.
-We adjust it to allow for spoilage. We are aware that the sodas are warm, the milk is curdled, sandwiches are stale, gum is hard, candy bars are petrified and assure you that that is the way it is supposed to be, really!
-We understand that the bill changer can't, coin return won't, product more...

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
4: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5. 99 for the first ten words and $1. 99 for each additional word in your message.
6: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over more...

One Christmas, mom decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties.
As a result, their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given.
The next year things were different, however.
"The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly.
"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in behavior?"
"Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."