Thanks Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
" Hi, is Tony home?"
" No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
" No, come in."
They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and more...
Moraj Desai, the then Indian prime minister visited Sri lanka and was invited to
have dinner with the then prime minister Premadasa.
After Indian PM arrived in the Temple Trees (prime minister's residence) they
exchanged greetings and was escorted to the visiting room.
"How about a sip of your favourite drink?" asked Prem from the visiting PM.
"I will be most grateful to you Prem."
So, Prem went inside and peed in to a big beer mug. He brought the foaming
liquid and offered to the Indian PM.
"Thanks a lot Prem" said the Indian PM and gulped down the drink with two
gulps.
"Aah, what a refreshing taste."
"Do you like to have some more?"
"Yes, if you don't mind"
So, Prem went inside again and tried produce another mug full of the drink, but
unfortunately he could produce a single drop. He asked his dear wife Hemavo
to help him out of this difficult more...
There came a big flood, and the water around Bhola's house was rising steadily..
Bhola was standing on the porch, watching water rising all around him, when a man in a boat came along and called to Bhola, "Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here. Bhola replied, "No thanks, God will save me."
Bhola went into the house, and the water was starting to pour in. So, he went up to the second floor.
As he looked out, another man in a boat came along, and he called to Bhola, "Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here."
Again, Bhola replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water kept rising. So, Bhola got out onto the roof.
A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Bhola, "I'll drop you a rope, grab onto it, and I'll get you out of here."
Again Bhola replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water rose and rose, and soon nearly covered the whole house. Bhola fell in, and more...
A redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.
"Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"
"Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way."
"Wow! Thanks!" says the redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the more...
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when. Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible. I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person. HI. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message. I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, more...
After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. Who are these from? " she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them." "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks." "Ahhh, thats really nice" said Lucy." The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!""Brilliant!" said more...