Theater Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this fellow who had a pet goose. He loved his goose and took it everywhere with him. One day he went to the movies and the ticket seller told him that his goose was not allowed in the theater. He ran around the corner and stuffed the goose in his pants. Then he bought his ticket and went into the theater. He selected a seat next to two elderly ladies.

During the movie he could hear his goose panting due to lack of air. He unzipped his pants to let the goose breathe. Soon the lady next to him elbowed her friend and whispered, "Esther, Esther you won't believe whats going on next to me." Esther glances over and says, "Well, you've seen one you've seen them all."

"Well, maybe, but this one's eating my popcorn!"

Below, you'll find some "lessons" about Halloween, ghosts, and spooks that you'll only learn from the movie theater!
Have a HAPPY Halloween and a great week! Thanks! -- Alex; -)
17. When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.
16. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
15. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
14. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
13. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
12. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, more...

Four brothers left home for college and they became
successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner
together. They discussed the gifts they were able
to give their elderly mother who lived in another
city. The first said, "I had a big house built
for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar
theater built in the house." The third said,
"I had a Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to
her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading
the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because
she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told
me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible.
It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I
had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty
years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just
has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will
recite more...

A mystery-lover take his place in the theater for opening night, but his seat is way back in the theater, far from the stage. The man calls an usher over and whispers, "I just love a good mystery, and I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of this play. However, in order to carefully follow the clues and fully enjoy the play, I have to watch a mystery close up. Look how far away I am! If you can get me a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip."

The usher nods and says he will be back shortly. Looking forward to a large tip, the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he finds an unused ticket at the Will Call window and snatches it up. Returning to the man in the back of the theater, he whispers, "follow me."

The usher leads the man down to the second row, and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle. "Thanks so much," more...

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes.""I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie."Marge", whispered Mildred."What", said Marge."I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred."What makes you think that", asked Marge."He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred."Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them more...

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater for opening night, but his seat is way back in the theater, far from the stage. The man calls an usher over and whispers, "I just love a good mystery, and I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of this play. However, in order to carefully follow the clues and fully enjoy the play, I have to watch a mystery close up. Look how far away I am! If you can get me a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher nods and says he will be back shortly. Looking forward to a large tip, the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he finds an unused ticket at the will call window and snatches it up. Returning to the man in the back of the theater, he whispers, "Follow me."
The usher leads the man down to the second row, and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle.
"Thanks so much." says the more...