Occur Jokes

* The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

* Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

* The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

* Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

* British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

* Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

* When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

THE COLONEL TO THE EXECUTIVE: At nine o'clock tomorrow there, will be an eclipse of the sun, something which does not occur every day. Get the men to fall out in the company street in their fatigues so that they will be able to see this rare phenomenon. Should it rain we will not be able to see anything, so take the men to the gym.
THE EXECUTIVE TO THE CAPTAIN: By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at nine o'clock, there will be an eclipse of the Sun; if it rains, you will not be able to see it from the company street, so then, take the men in fatigues to the gym. The eclipse of the Sun will take place in the gym, something that does not occur every day.
THE CAPTAIN TO THE LIEUTENANT: By order of the Colonel in fatigues tomorrow at nine o'clock in the morning the inauguration of the eclipse of the sun will take place in the gym. The Colonel will give the order if it should rain, something which occurs every day.
THE LIEUTENANT TO THE SERGEANT: Tomorrow at nine o'clock the more...

Legalese Night Before Christmas*

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS in Legalese (Author unknown)

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e. g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part more...

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The original reason for tablecloths was as a towel to wipe one's fingers and hands on after eating
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Mount Everest moves approximately 2.4 inches (10 cm) in a Northeasterly direction every year
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Mickey Mouse has four fingers on each hand
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The bark of a redwood tree is fireproof. Fires that occur in a redwood forest take place inside the trees
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The storage capacity of human brain exceeds four Terra bytes
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There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun
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Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west
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In 2001, the five most valuable brand names in order were Coca-Cola, Microsoft, IBM, GE, and Nokia
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After the "Popeye" comic strip started in 1931, spinach consumption went up by 33 percent in the US
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A rainbow can only occur when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon
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At 40° Centigrade a more...

#
The original reason for tablecloths was as a towel to wipe one's fingers and hands on after eating
#
Mount Everest moves approximately 2.4 inches (10 cm) in a Northeasterly direction every year
#
Mickey Mouse has four fingers on each hand
#
The bark of a redwood tree is fireproof. Fires that occur in a redwood forest take place inside the trees
#
The storage capacity of human brain exceeds four Terra bytes
#
There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun
#
Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west
#
In 2001, the five most valuable brand names in order were Coca-Cola, Microsoft, IBM, GE, and Nokia
#
After the "Popeye" comic strip started in 1931, spinach consumption went up by 33 percent in the US
#
A rainbow can only occur when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon
#
At 40° Centigrade a more...