Theorem Jokes / Recent Jokes

Gordon's Object Lifespan Theorem: No matter the amount of care given the purchased object, it will fuse/explode/disassemble within three days of warranty expiration.

A famous mathematician was to give a keynote speech at a conference. Asked for an advance summary, he said he would present a proof of Fermat`s Last Theorem -- but they should keep it under their hats. When he arrived, though, he spoke on a much more prosaic topic. Afterwards the conference organizers asked why he said he`d talk about the theorem and then didn`t. He replied this was his standard practice, just in case he was killed on the way to the conference.

proof by example:
The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.
proof by intimidation:
"Trivial."
proof by vigorous handwaving:
Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
proof by cumbersome notation:
Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.
proof by exhaustion:
An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.
proof by omission:
"The reader may easily supply the details"
"The other 253 cases are analogous"
"..."
proof by obfuscation:
A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.
proof by wishful citation:
The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.
proof by funding:
How could three different government agencies be wrong?
proof by more...

you are fascinated by the equation.
you know by heart the first fifty digits of.
you have tried to prove Fermat's Last Theorem.
you know ten ways to prove Pythagoras' Theorem.
your telephone number is the sum of two prime numbers.
you have calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
you are sure that differential equations are a very useful tool.
you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
when you say to a car dealer "I'll take the red car or the blue one" you must add "but not both of them."

Salary Theorem states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates: 1. Knowledge is Power. 2. Time is Money. As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money It follows that: Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done. Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

Flugg’s Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
Fourth Law of Applied Terror: The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria. Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor’s course.
Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences; if you have none, someone will make one for you.
Franklin’s Rule: Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.
Freeman’s Commentary on Ginsberg’s theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg’s Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can more...

A group of people were sitting and having coffee. Suddenly, a friend of the mathematician of the group boomed in and said, Did you hear that? A mathematician has developed a theorem which says that every odd number higher than 2 is a prime. So, here are the thoughts of every person in the room.
The Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is not a prime. Theorem disproved!
The Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime,...
The Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is practically a prime, 11 is a prime,...
The Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime,...
The Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 - we'll do for you the best we can,...
The Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release,...
The Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 - results have more...