Therefore Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple seated in a Chicago restaurant noticed that all the waiters carried two spoons in their vest pocket. Curious, the man asked their waiter the reason for this.
"Well, sir," the waiter explained, "an efficiency study conducted by management determined that the most frequently dropped silverware item is a spoon. Therefore, all waiters carry two spoons so that the item can be instantly replaced."
As the waiter was offering the explanation to the couple, they noticed there was a string hanging out of the fly of his pants. "What about that?" the man asked, discreetly pointing to the string.
"That, sir, is the result of another efficiency study," the waiter replied. "When we need to go to the bathroom, we use the string to pull ourselves out and aim. Therefore, we do not have to stop to wash our hands."
"We understand how you can get yourself out and aim," the man said, "but how do you go about getting more...

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

GO PLACIDLY AMID THE NOISE AND waste and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet & passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself & heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys; know what to kiss & when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity & disillusionment & despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle & mutilate. Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with persons closest to you-that lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of more...

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share, and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavorable press.
I am more...