Thief Jokes / Recent Jokes

MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?] Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block more...

1st thief: Oh! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES... THEY COULD COME IN HANDY
A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49. 73 worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard -- which turned his petty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than three years ago, Florida`s repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for life without the possibility of parole.
INSULT TO INJURY
An unemployed sanitation worker in Miami is also facing life in prison -- for shooting himself in the privates. In a drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun went off, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someone else had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in his underwear. Cops ruled the more...

Two Thieves Are Robbing A Bank. It Is A Very High Building And They Are On The 13th Floor. They Hear The Police. One Thief Says
To The Other,'Lets Jump Off The Side Of The Building.' Second Thief,' Are U Mad. We Are On The 13th Floor!' First Thief:'This
Is No Time To Be Superstitious!!'

Investigating a purse snatching, Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed."
In Nashville, they tell of Fred "Junior" Williams, the burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.
In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn't get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated,he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn't fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran -- but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall. Unplugging it, he tried again, but a diner decked him and called police.
In Rhode Island, cops were sure they had the right guy when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts paid his $400 bail entirely more...