Thief Jokes / Recent Jokes

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY A repeat offender got alife sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Martstore. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard - which turned hispetty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than threeyears ago, Florida's repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for lifewithout the possibility of parole.INSULT TO INJURY An unemployed sanitationworker in Miami is also facing life in prison - for shooting himself in the privates. Ina drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun wentoff, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someoneelse had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in hisunderwear. Cops ruled the shooting accidental, but the man more...

A thief breaks into a house occupied by three women,
namely the grandmother, the mother and the daughter.
The thief wastes no time in tying up the three women
and ransacks the entire house. Upon leaving he sees
the daughter in a particular position, which stimulates
him and in an instance rapes her.
Spurred on by his new passion he goes on to rape the
mother. Meanwhile the daughter senses that who his
next target might be and asks the thief' are you
going to do this to my grandmother as well? '
'Why not, why not,. ...' comes the reply in a faint
feeble feminine voice

A just-married Chinese couple decided to make love on the wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy condom from the shop nearby. When the husband left, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off. The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sell condom and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20 cents coin. He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality does he want. "The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each." So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him. While the husband was out, a black Indian thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabs the thief and happily screwing away. The wife more...

Lawyer's daughter Sue
Lawyer's sons Will, Court
Thief's son Rob
Doctor's son Bill
Fisherman's son Rod
Meteorologist's daughters Haley, Sunny
Back Hoe operator's sons Doug, Rocky
Hair stylist's sons Bob, Curly, Harry
Homeopathic doctor's son Herb
Justice of the peace's daughter Mary
Sound stage technician's son Mike
Hot-dog vendor's son Frank
Gambler's daughter Bette
Gambler's Son Chip
Exercise guru's son Jim
Exercise guru's daughter Belle
Cattle thief's son Russell
Painter's son Art
Iron worker's son Rusty
TV show star's daughter Emmy
Movie star's son Oscar
Housewife's son Dusty
Minister's daughters Faith, Hope, Charity
Televangelist's daughter Chastity
IRS agent's daughter Mony
Geneticist's son Gene
Espresso vendor's son Joe
Undertaker's son Barry
Gardener's son Moe
Florist's daughters Rose, Iris
Baker's daughter more...

While in the process of robbing a house the thief heard a voice whisper, "Jesus is watching you." He quickly turned around and searched the room with his flashlight but saw no one. Going back to what he was doing he again heard the voice, "Jesus is watching you." Again he stopped and scanned the room with his flashlight. Finally he spotted a small parrot in a bird cage.
Walking over to the parrot he asked if it was the one talking to him. The little parrot bobbed his head up and down and said, "Jesus is watching you."
"I gather your name is Jesus," said the thief.
"Nope, it's Moses," replied the parrot.
"Oh please, who in the world would name their parrot Moses," the thief said.
"The same people who named their Pit Bull Jesus," was the parrot's reply.

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.
The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, "Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?"
"Phew, that one's easy," says the teacher, "The Titanic."
"Alright," said St.Peter, "you may pass."
Then the thief got his question: "How many died on the Titanic?"
The thief replied, "That's a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people." And so he passed through.
Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: "Name them

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.
The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, "Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?" "Phew, that one's easy," says the teacher, "The Titanic." " Alright," said St.Peter, "you may pass.